Brazilian President Invites Ryan Lochte back as Guest of Honor for Closing Ceremonies

Michel Temer

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – The Brazilian government today extended a special invitation to embattled Olympian Ryan Lochte to return back to the country as a guest of honor for the Closing Ceremonies, reports an official source.  The twelve-time Olympic medalist left the country days ago amid allegations of making a false claim of street violence while staying in Brazil.

“We just want Mr. Lochte to understand that all is forgiven,” said Brazilian president Michel Temer during his press conference.  “This is our olive branch, as it were.  We take full responsibility for any misunderstanding that may have occurred regarding this unfortunate incident and would like to invite Mr. Lochte over, free of charge to, as you Americans say, bury the hatchet.”

Temer went on to describe some specifics of the invitation.  “All expenses paid.  Mr. Lochte would receive a free plane ticket and would be met at the airport by an official vehicle with a private driver, who would then transport him to a government where he would be housed, again free of charge, for a lengthy stay.  I will personally greet Mr. Lochte at the airport,” added Temer.

President Temer dismissed the idea that this was just some ploy to get Lochte back into Brazilian jurisdiction to face charges.  “What?  No.  No, no, no.  Mr. Lochte was in the right.  Sure, he was exposed as a liar, and wasn’t actually the victim of street violence.  But he could have been, am I right?  Rio de Janeiro is a violent place.  We don’t blame him for anything.  We’re over it.  We hold Mr. Lochte in the highest regard.  We just want him to come back so we can give him the honor he deserves.”

At press time, Lochte was seen boarding a plane to redeem his free Brazilian vacation.


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