Local Man With no Athletic Background About to be Leading Expert on 28 Different Sporting Events


Birmingham, AL – Local Verizon sales representative Adam Harris is about to become one of the nation’s leading experts on all 28 Olympic sporting events, despite having no formal background in athletics, reports a source.  The revelation comes just ahead of the Opening Ceremonies of the 31st Olympiad in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

“The U.S. should be in contention for about 45 golds this year, but don’t sleep on China,” said Harris, who yesterday could only name seven Olympic events, two of which were winter.

“This women’s gymnastics team might be our best yet,” added Harris, who earlier today couldn’t name a single one of the five-member U.S. Olympic gymnastics team, including Gabby Douglas, 2012’s individual all around Olympic gold medal winner.  “She’s going to need to stick a perfect double layout to advance,” Harris plans to say no fewer than ten times throughout the duration of the competition.

“That’s a pretty fast dude,” sagely remarked Harris of Usain Bolt, the current world record holder of the 100 meter dash and 6-time Olympic gold medalist.

Harris, whose only personal standout athletic accomplishment was an in-the-park home run in the fifth grade, will opine at length about exactly what sort of times the various rowing teams will need to beat to have a shot at medaling.  “The coxless pairs team will need at least a 6:10 for gold this year.  New Zealand is going to be a really tough out this year.”

Harris’ Olympic knowledge is thought to be the most extensive since Burt Morris of Santa Fe, New Mexico correctly predicted all three curling medals in the 2014 Sochi games.


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