Carson Wentz Loses Selective Service Registration Card, Ruled Ineligible for Draft


New York, NY – A U.S. military tribunal has ruled Carson Wentz ineligible to participate in today’s NFL draft due to a failure to produce his selective service registration card.  Wentz was expected to be drafted in the first two picks by either the Los Angeles Rams or the Philadelphia Eagles, both of whom traded up, presumably to select a top quarterback.

Pursuant to the Military Selective Service Act, all males between the ages of 18 and 26 must register for selective service and be able to produce a copy of their selective service registration card upon request.  The failure to do so can result in a fine, prison time, or ineligibility for any draft held within the United States, including military conscription and sports drafts, such as the one held each spring by the NFL.

Wentz spoke to the press earlier today.  “I can’t believe this happened.  My dad told me to keep my draft card in a safe place.  At first, I was going to keep it my wallet, but then I decided I’d put it somewhere safer that I’d never ever forget, like maybe tucked in a Maxim or under my Playstation.  But I can’t find it anywhere.”

Although the Rams have the first pick in the draft, it is speculated that the Philadelphia Eagles have the most to lose by the sudden shift, having traded into the second spot to presumably capture either Wentz or Jared Goff from California.  “What a mook,” said Howie Roseman, executive vice president of football operations with the Eagles.  “If I had a C battery right now, boy would I do some hucking at that kid’s head.  What are we supposed to do now?  Our health insurance plan won’t let us roll out with Bradford.”

Wentz has already applied for a replacement card from the selective service department, which should be received just ahead of next year’s draft.


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