Boston, Massachusetts – A local man who has watched over 140 hours of professional football and spent in excess of $3,000 on the NFL this year wonders how Roger Goodell can keep his job with the NFL, reports a media source. Goodell, the commissioner of the National Football League, has brought a seemingly never ending stream of controversy and public scrutiny to the league while simultaneously ushering it through an unparalleled era of growth and success.
“Roger Goodell is ruining the league,” remarked the man who had already watched over nine hours, and three full games of football today. “He’s making the game completely unwatchable.”
“You know, he made forty million dollars last year,” added the man. “If I was as incompetent as he was, I’d have been fired on day one.” The $3,200 the man gave to the NFL this year, including season tickets for his favorite team and several new “authentic” jerseys at $270 a piece, constituted seven percent of the man’s gross income.
“That dude [screws] up everything he touches,” claimed the local man. “The Bountygate thing was a sham and he had to call in a former commissioner to fix it. And then there’s the Ray Rice thing and the Deflategate debacle. And then there’s the concussions and all the hamfisted suspensions. I just can’t understand how these owners can tolerate someone who doesn’t get a single thing right.”
NFL revenues have nearly doubled in the ten years since Roger Goodell has taken over.
“I swear, he’s going to kill the NFL. I almost didn’t renew Sunday Ticket,” said the man, referencing his NFL television package, which he renewed for a fifth consecutive year at a total cost of $320. “He’s alienating the casual fans like me.”
“If it wasn’t for fantasy football, I would have stopped watching the NFL years ago,” the man also said after watching a complete three hours and twenty minute game in which he had no fantasy players playing. “I’ll bet they’re losing money with that incompetent douche in charge.”
At press time, Goodell used the man’s $3,000 to purchase a solid gold pen to sign his ten year NFL contract renewal, and then immediately threw it away.